Uncertainty

I’m going to be honest here for a minute. Things have been kind of difficult for me lately, my job has taken over my life as the numbers 1, 2, and 3 cause of stress on a weekly basis. It’s consuming me. I can feel the creative spark ebbing farther and farther away as time goes on. The feeling of looking for something better or more fulfilling or at the very least enjoyable seems almost like an egotistical exercise at this point. But I’m still there. Why?
Because I’m like everyone, I have bills to pay, yadda yadda. I’ve been on a sprint to pay off crippling student loan debt for a couple of years, part of why I started on the journey of simplicity, and things have gone very well, I’ve made lots and lots of headway, albeit the occasional speed bump or two. But I’ve been making such headway that I stopped caring whether I was happy, or fulfilled, or even just momentarily satisfied. It has become all about a digital dollar amount showing up in one account and being transferred into another. Another week gone, one number goes up, another goes down. The purpose of life?
For me it’s all been to get to where others I respect are. Getting out of debt, moving into tiny, paid for living quarters, i.e. tiny houses, Airstreams, or other creative living arrangements that lets them pursue the things that really matter in life to each of us. I’ve always felt like when I get to that point then I’ll be able to get serious about being an independant creative. Writing, photography, doing things I was meant to do, not just pushing buttons and replying to emails written by the other emotionless robots of the corporate world. Can I ever really get there? Is this just something that other people have that I never will?
I know that this cycle can be broken, as many others have discovered. Having to look uncertainty in the eye and give it the finger is something we are not designed to do and yet it must be done. Every so often, you have to ask yourself the hard questions. I’ve been asking myself those for a while now and not liking the answers. I want to connect with other people on this journey, relish their positive energy, and expand my own in turn. But it seems like I’m spending most of my time hoping for miracles instead of making small steps towards them. I must reassess those parts of my life that are energy-draining. Do I have time to waste on these things anymore? Does this behavior help me move any further as a human being? 
Who else is running into this now or in the past and how did you keep yourself motivated? I would love to hear your stories, any and all. 
James
In the meantime, here’s some writing by others worth reading on the subject.
“Focus on what you can change. 
Some of the other changes you think you can’t make might just follow.”
“You control what good or bad comes into your life, 
and it’s the way you respond to it is where you find your happiness.”
James Altucher at James Altucher Confidential
“Saying “No” to a change that’s begging for you, will kill you.”

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